It doesn’t require my effort to execute. It is unfolding before me. It is mine to join in and participate. All it requires is my presence.
There are moments when I fight against it. When things don’t go how I want them to get, and I wish they were different. The choice I make is not to be present to what is there.
Demanding specific outcomes is my form of control. Anxiety comes from wanting something other than what I’ve got.
The invitation is to be swept up in the plan that is unfolding. The excitement of thoroughly enjoying the moment for what is.
Fully experiencing hard emotions, grief, anger, and anxiety can be enjoying them. Not resisting, fighting, or wishing something away is to enjoy it.
Is it mental illness or emotionally unintelligent to find sadness enjoyable? Does it show a complete lack of empathy to comfort someone’s grief by saying enjoy it?
To fully experience it allows it to pass through the system. When things go through a process, they come out different than when they went in.
A process has all sorts of pressures or factors that can seem like blockages. Resistance may be one of the elements.
When it flows freely, it is a form of surrender.
It happened this morning. I felt pissed and sad about my daughter, who is heading off to college.
Not just that she is leaving, but the separation process that is happening. I try to reach out and connect, and I’m actively pushed away. Add to it all the uncertainty surrounding COVID and classes online.
As I sat in silence, noticing the waves of emotions go back and forth. Some of them swell and washing over me.
Saltwater going over my head.
Tears are coming out of my eyes.
A phrase comes to mind.
Your voice speaks to my heart.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy
Psalm 126:5
Shortly after, the sound of my daughter’s alarm clock brought the idea to listen to the new Taylor Swift album. So I went and woke her up, with the dog licking her face and me badgering her to listen to it with me.
Ten minutes later, tacky Taylor tunes playing, we sat on the couch and had a friendly chat. Going through hard things is easier with others.
—