I know it is futile, but wanting to do it all and be all things to all people has been my aim. I knew a little about many topics, acting as an expert in them all and never going deep with any of them, just skimming along.
Projects get started, with great enthusiasm, only to fall by the wayside. Why is it so much easier to think about stuff than doing it?
For a long time, I thought that’s what it takes to connect, to belong, to feel accepted. But it only leads to feeling like a fake, a fraud, and unsure of who I really am.
I was on a retreat earlier this year, looking to get perspective on what matters most. We spent a while thinking about a poignant question.
If you were to die tonight, what remains unfinished?
Once I got past the prospect of death, it didn’t take long to come up with a long list. For most of the projects, it didn’t matter that they remained unfinished. Yet for a couple, it stung.
It made it clear there a few things only I can do and the common denominator: they are writing projects. And for what excuse did I not honor the gifts I had been given, squandering time chasing worthless things.
For a long time, I felt like I didn’t have anything to say. But that is not accurate. I know what I need to write; I just don’t dare to say it.
If I had the courage, what would I say?
There is a big project, writing 28 lessons on leadership development for salespeople. But there are the little everyday ordinary things I need to speak up about.
I would find the words to express how great it is to be alive.
Acknowledge the people who mean a lot to me and say thank you, thank you, thank you.
I would own up and say you are right, I was a jerk, I’m so sorry.
And maybe I would know that I didn’t need to do it all on my own, and it is okay to ask for help.