In a previous post, I wrote about trust being the critical element for all growth to occur. Our sense of trust allows for walking through a threshold, into an uncertain world, and know that we will be ok.
I am not talking about blind trust where we fumble around in the dark. That won’t get you anywhere.
Trust is on a continuum; we put a lot of trust in somethings and not others. You are trusting the chair you are sitting in right now. As you are reading these words on this screen, you are entrusting me with your attention. Thank you! Attention is a valuable resource.
Trust is something we can build and develop, but how do we do that?
How To Grow Trust
When I was in the Towsend Leadership Program, John Townsend talked about safe people a lot. Safe people are those people that you can be vulnerable with, and you trust that they won’t use things you say against you to harm you.
We only need a couple of safe people in our lives, and these people hold space to allow you to process the ups and downs of life.
We all have plenty of people who you wouldn’t trust as far as you could throw them. But how do we develop a couple of people that we can connect more deeply with?
John Townsend gave me a simple process for doing this very thing. It is not easy, and it will require trust to go through with it. Here it is:
- Go through your contacts on your phone, think through people in your relational circle at Church or your kid’s school. Find people that stand out and who you want to connect with. Call them, text them, see if they want to grab coffee or lunch.
- When you meet, open up about a challenge or an issue in your life. Don’t bring up something massive like your marriage is falling apart! But share something in your world that is not going well, and see how they respond. If they avoid the issue, change the topic, or start giving you advice, know that this isn’t someone you want to go deeper.
- If the person moves towards the issue, with empathy and curiosity, and wants to know how you are doing with it all, this is a person you can trust. Try to connect more frequently. It needs to be a two way street with each person opening up with where they are.
When you have a couple of people in your life like this, it truly is a gift. Our God is relational, and when we have people that are there for us, no matter what, it is grace manifested in our lives.
When we remember that God is trustworthy, we entrust ourselves to Him!
Nick Benoit
If you can find a way for the safe people you know to connect, that is where the magic happens.
There Is Power In A Circle
Get into a circle, a space of emotional safety, with people you trust, and you can openly share and receive support. It is a scary place to be, especially when you realize that the things you share, they can use against you and hurt you. You are giving them this power, and trusting that they are on your side and won’t turn on you.
When things get difficult, we tend to retreat from the community, which is unfortunate because that is when we need it the most.
A healthy relational circle is how God intended life to be lived.
–
As for the saints in the land,
they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
Psalm 16:3
—