The start of the New Year and the start of any growth process can be exciting. We are thinking of all the possibilities and exciting dreams. It is like we get a fresh start.
But for there to be a fresh start, there has to be an ending. Some part of us is left in ruins.
Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
To go after something new, we need to let go of the old. Letting go is hard. It is not easy when something or some way of being that we have been accustomed to is over.
Yet, letting go of the past is what forgiveness is all about. Because of the grace we have in Christ, there is always hope in a fresh start.
If anyone is in Christ, that person is a new creation. The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17
Finding Acceptence from Forgiveness
I made my first trip to Angola Prison in Lousiana in 2013 to attend a ministry event as one of the “free people” from outside the prison. I had repented and asked for forgiveness but had yet to be completely broken by my own sin.
I was in a season of excessive travel, and the following week I was flying from Chicago to San Francisco for a business trip. Wanting to reflect on the powerful experience, I decided to pull out the journal from the trip and read through my notes. At the event, one of the sermons was from Luke 15, the parable of the Prodigal Son.
This parable that Jesus told was about a father with two sons. The younger son asked for his inheritance while he was still alive, in essence, wishing his dad were dead. The son took the money and squandered it on living large. With the money all gone, he decides to return home and work for his father. But on his return, he is met with love and acceptance by the father and reinstated as a beloved son.
Finding the passage in my Bible and reading the section before the parable, Jesus tells another story and a line completely rung my bell.
There will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Luke 15:7
I realized that I was one of those that didn’t need forgiveness.
I went to the prison feeling pretty good about myself. After all, I hadn’t murdered anyone, raped someone, or committed armed robbery.
But my life wasn’t as impeccable as I was trying to make others believe. My self-righteousness, arrogance and thinking that I was better than everyone else was a cover for the brokenness I was unwilling to acknowledge.
I showed up at the prison with an attitude of I have it all together, and I’m here to help you turn your life around. That’s how I showed up everywhere.
It was a front, like a wall that kept people from seeing who I really was.
I could see that as my sin and become completely broken by it. Sitting on the plane at my window seat, I wept and wept.
The inmates I met lived with freedom and intimacy with God that I didn’t know. I was more interested in jet setting and collecting the trappings of success to prove that I had life figured out.
But that was far from reality. I was lonely and completely exhausted.
While I was in prison as one of the “free people,” it was apparent that the inmates I came to know where more free than me.
As I flew cross country, Psalm 103 came to mind.
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12
Reflecting on this experience, I can see that receiving forgiveness was removing an old way of being that I needed to let go of.
Accepting the Hard Parts
Forgiveness is agreeing with God about how we try to call our own shots and live without Him. God knows the truth about where we fall short, and he wants us to acknowledge it, agree with it yet turn from it and turn to him.
When we turn to Him, we receive the gift that we are still completely accepted and loved.
God’s steadfast love and loyalty towards us, allows us to accept ourselves. If God accepts and loves the difficult parts of us, then I can learn to accept them and love them also.
How Growth Gets Derailed
No matter how strong our intentions are of growing and changing, there is a way we can self-sabotage ourselves. The inner critic, that voice that cuts us down, gets too big of a say.
Mine likes to pipe up and say, “See, you’re not as good as you think you are.” When I listen to it, the last thing I feel like doing is reaching out and connecting with people.
When we give in to the inner critic, allowing it to distract us from our work, our growth gets derailed. Whenever we are harsh with ourselves, we not interested it picking ourselves up and giving it another try.
The inner critic comes after the parts of us that are most vulnerable. In essence, we are judgemental and critical of the parts we don’t accept about ourselves. We cut ourselves down where we need love and acceptance.
In these moments, we need to be kind to ourselves and listen to the voice of the advocate.
Take some time right now and reflect:
What is it time to let go of?
For what do you need forgiveness?
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If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14
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