I want to preface this by saying that I was in my late 20’s before I found out I had a heart! So that puts my emotional world in its early teens. But unlike a teen, I can see I don’t know much about anything…
Is the advice trust your heart good advice?
The prophet Jeremiah didn’t mince his words about the heart:
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
In Hebrew, the word for beyond cure is terminally ill! Is he saying our feelings and emotions don’t matter? Does this mean we shouldn’t act on our feelings or allow our emotions to inform our decisions?
It is crucial to remember the context that this was written in. Jeremiah was no stranger to emotions. He was a prophet during Jerusalem’s destruction. He wrote the book of Lamentations, the only book named after a feeling, sitting in a cave as Jerusalem was sacked.
And the verses immediately before the section about the deception of our heart are some of my favorite in all of scripture.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends its roots down into the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
it’s leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-9
The imagery of what it is like to flourish in life, drawing on God as our source of life, comes before the difficulty in understanding our terminally ill heart.
I love how the second most common phrase in Australia, no worries, is a direct quote from scripture!
This passage is very similar to the glorious Psalm 1, a classic in wisdom literature that talks about the two paths in life. The way of the righteous, those who delight in God’s word, and prosper in all they do. And the way of the wicked.
Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
Psalm 1:4-5
There are days where I feel green and thriving, like a tree planted by water, and there are other days I feel like the chaff, blown all over the place. There are moments where I feel like anything is possible, and then there are times I’m shocked by the wickedness I’m capable of.
The truth is that we have both in our hearts, and the pendulum is swinging between the two of them all day long.
The apostle Paul talks about life in the Spirit. In Galatians 5:19-21, he talks about the sinful nature. These mostly seem like out of control emotions: hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, and debauchery.
Paul goes on to describe the other side of the picture.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23
This is the type of spiritual and emotional wellbeing that Jeremiah and Psalm 1 depict with the flourishing tree, bearing fruit. It always surprised me that self-control is included with the fruit of the Spirit. No way does that on fall under my enneagram type!
The makeup of the fruit we bear with our lives reveals the condition of our hearts. What is the most dominant thing? Is it anger or kindness, fear or peace, depression, or joy? Whatever is there belongs, and we need to tend to it.
As I was reading through Galatians 5 to prepare for this love letter, these verses jumped out to me:
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:13
A problem I see in me and around me is people are not getting the support that they need. Our prisons are full because of it, the poor are getting left behind, and society is failing the most vulnerable school kids.
Wisdom literature talks about the two paths of life, the way of the righteous and the way of the wicked. The choices determine our course in life. But how much of our decisions are determined by the environment we’re raised in?
All of us need a safe place to explore the content of our hearts.
What Would It Mean To Feel Supported?
That is the main lesson I am trying to learn. I want to learn what it would mean to know that someone is for me.
I didn’t experience it growing up. The narrative has carried over into other areas of my life. How much of this is a narrative I’m trying to perpetuate? Then I’m looking for evidence to prove the theory that I don’t have any support, and no one cares for me.
I’ve used the lack of emotional safety as an excuse not to speak up. Or when I do speak up, it is not the complete truth and honest but just a way to backpedal or appease so that the situation doesn’t escalate.
It is not real honesty. I want to believe there is no emotional safety, so I have an excuse to blame others. Because you don’t make me feel safe, I’m not going to share what’s on my heart.
What Keeps Me From Sharing My Heart?
Most of the time, I don’t know what’s going on. I lack awareness or can’t see it. This is either from a lack of curiosity or wanted to stay disconnected and disassociated from my heart.
There are times I’m aware of something but don’t feel safe to share. What is the emotion that keeps me from sharing it? It has to be fear. Fear of rejection. Putting myself out there and getting squashed and left in more disconnection.
The thing that I don’t want to share is the thing I need to share. Sharing that thing, the one that most hard to share, from an authentic place, is what creates real connection. Can’t connect with something if that not where you are at. You’ve got to be in the same place at the same time to connect. People can only connect with you right where you are at. If you are bluffing, putting up a smokescreen, they can’t connect with the real you.
It is the freedom I’m looking for. Not to do whatever I want. But free to share what’s on my heart.
We must become aware of what’s there before you can share it. We also need to be mindful of what keeps us from sharing it.
I don’t want to share this because I’m afraid something terrible will come of it. They won’t listen. My opinions don’t matter to them. Things will escalate.
When you sit with the tension for long enough, does a third thing reveal itself?
Allow the pull of what you want to say or the push of what keeps you from saying it to go back and forth for a while. Maybe write both forces down on the page with a çè going between them. Make it feel like stretching a rubber band.
If nothing comes up right away, that’s okay. Maybe take a nap or pick it up the next morning and see if anything has revealed itself.
Now think of the smallest step you can take to bring it about. If you make it too big, it will only feel overwhelming. Taking that step is a step closer to freedom.
Stable Reference Point
The main issue I have with the advice follow your heart is that even when I am aware of them, they are still all over the place. Emotions need to be processed with a stable reference point that is unchanging.
I’m grateful that God is the stable reference point I can always come back to know where I am at.
Separating our psychology from our spiritually is futile. It is like trying to white knuckle our way through it by will power alone.
Accessing God’s power is as simple as coming into his presence and asking for help. Tell him what you are up against and invite Him into it.
I had a phone call I needed to make this week, and I knew it was going to be difficult. Each day I put it on the top of my list, and I kept putting it off. My prayer: I feel like its just me in this, and I don’t feel up for it, help me. After the phone call, which was a rough as I expected, I realized its not so bad when you have Someone to do it with.
Entrusting God with our hearts is better advice.
Reflection Question:
What keeps you from saying what you need to say?
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They search out injustice, saying,
“We have accomplished a diligent search.”
For the inward mind and heart of a man are deep.
Psalm 64:6
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