To be able to go after big things, we are going to need the support of others.
To do great things, we are going to need to build a network of people that believe you and can challenge you to become your best.
The allure of doing it on your own can be enticing. But it is a myth. Even self-made success stories of the rags to riches kind, they didn’t do it on their own.
Even the great visionaries of our times had partners. Steve Jobs would only be a dreamer if it weren’t for Steve Wozniak. Bill Gates had Paul Allen that made the vision reality.
All success and achievement came on the shoulders of those that had gone before us and laid a foundation for us to build on.
If you have a big vision, you are going to need the support and structure that others bring to actualize your vision.
When we push to expand the limits of what’s possible, we come to the edge of ourselves and will need to reach out and get help.
Asking For Help Is Hard
It takes vulnerability to reach out and ask for help. When you are facing something you can’t move past, it takes courage, to define the problem and ask others to speak into it.
But there is no strength or courage without the vulnerability to ask for and receive help. Most leaders feel that they have to be the ones that give help and support, no those who need it. Truth is we all need the help.
When we acknowledge weakness, is when we are strong.
Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22
There are many names for a Personal Development Network. It could be a Personal Board of Directors or a Circle of Confidants.
The one I am in we call it our Life Team. Each of us is there under the understanding that we are going to be there for each other. Our group meets for half a day, once a month. But that is not the only way to do it.
For the group to be effective, it needs to be three to seven people. If it’s just two, then that is a mentor relationship. If it gets too large, scheduling, and having enough time for everyone can be a challenge.
It doesn’t have to be the people on your team at work. If there are not relationships there that can provide what you need, look to have those needs met by others.
We can only reach out and ask for help when we feel safe in a relationship. And a group is the best way to grow your sense of emotional safety
Emotional Saftey
There has been much research into the neuroscience of relationships that shows emotional safety is pivotal in thriving in the human condition. When emotional safety is present, we can fully express ourselves authentically. We don’t need to be guarded.
Where there is no guidance, a people falls,
but in the abundance of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 11:14
The trapeze artist is a great analogy for emotional safety. There is a safety net below that if it wasn’t present, it would change how the trapeze artist performs. They wouldn’t try new things. They wouldn’t do their big tricks unless they knew that would be safe it they fell.
The Many Benefits of a Development Network
Here is a nonexhaustive list of the value of building a Personal Development Network:
- Ability to scale to greater heights when you know others have your back
- An objective perspective from others can help you see things or patterns that you are unable to see
- Accountability, the right kind, can help you keep the commitments you are making to God
- Grace, where people are more kind and encouraging to you than you are to yourself when you crash
- Shared history and common experiences that build fun and surprising bonds
- Honest and tell you how you have fallen short and still want to stay in a relationship with you
I’m sure you can add a few to the list!
It is one thing for people to be your friend because of your awesomeness. How about the friends you have that know how pathetic you are?
The greatest benefit of a group is that it pushes you to express the matters of the heart.
There are biological reasons why expressing where you are at emotionally is not easy work. Feelings come from the limbic brain, the primitive part of the brain, and language isn’t involved in this region of the brain.
We all know what a rose smells like. But if I asked you to describe the smell, it would be very hard to find the words.
The same goes for if I asked you why you love your spouse.
Even though expressing matters of the heart is difficult, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it. Just by trying to find the words, fumbling around for the right words, help you express and clarify what is meaningful in your life.
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As each has received a gift,
use it to serve one another,
as good stewards of God’s varied grace.
1 Peter 4:10
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