Each of us has three main relationships that we need to be in touch with; our relationship with God, others and ourselves.
As we develop relationships in these three areas, our awareness and discernment improve.
Of these three relationships, the most overlooked, in my opinion, is our relationships with ourselves. For most of us, we are intentional about connecting with God and the other people in our lives, but how intentional are we with connecting with ourselves?
When we take time to connect with ourselves, over time, we will grow in discernment.
What is discernment?
When we talk about discernment, what are we talking about? It is a lot more than figuring out what choices to make. Henry Nouwen has some gold on this:
Christian discernment is not the same as decision making. Reaching a decision can be straightforward: we consider our goals and options; maybe we list the pros and cons of each choice, and then we choose the action that meets our goal most effectively. Discernment, on the other hand, is about listening and responding to that place within us where our deepest desires align with God’s desire. As discerning people, we sift through our impulses, motives, and options to discover which ones lead us closer to divine love and compassion for ourselves and other people and which ones lead us further away.
Henry Nouwen
When we take time to notice what is leading us closer to God, we are walking in the paths of his righteousness. This is the intersection of where we connect with and meet with God.
Each of us in has a primary way we look at the world; interpreting where we stand and how we engage with the world. These are our Body, Heart, and Mind. Traditionally the Enneagram has referred to these as our Intelligence Centers.
This is not a new concept. Plato was the first to document it when he said: “Human behavior flows from three sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.” These are the three distinct parts of a person’s inner world.
Jesus also talked about to this concept in Matthew 22:37 when he references the greatest commandment from the Old Testament:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5
While each of us has all three, there is one center that we are dominant in and tend to favor. It is helpful to have an idea of which center you prefer.
The Three Intelligence Centers
The Body / Instinctual center is how we intuitively sense things in our body. Like having a gut feeling about something. People dominant in this center see the world as broken and needs to be fixed to make the world a better place.
The Heart / Feeling center is how to feel towards other people and circumstances. This is the landscape of our emotions. People dominant in this center know that what the world needs is more love.
The Head / Thinking center is how we think about and process information. This is the world of our mind. People dominant in this center are looking for information to help us be safe.
Integrating the Three Centers
We each have one that we prefer. The goal is to connect all three and integrate them. This is the intersection of where we connect with and meet with God.
A favorite verse of mine about how we connect to God is:
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God
Romans 8:16
It is a wonderful thing that the God of the universe would connect with us in this way. After all his Spirit lives in us, we are found in him, and we are counted as his children!
A simple contemplation practice is really helpful in connecting with ourselves, integrating all parts of our self and in turn connecting with God that is within us.
In a quiet place, with your eyes closed, you put your attention to your breath and any sensations you might be feeling in your body. What emotions do you feel about these sensations, sad, angry, scared, happy, excited or tender? Then think about the context that is connected to these emotions.
After you have noticed, felt and thought, let go of it and release it to God. This can be difficult when as we are so attached to these things. Something that has been helpful for me is to have a word that centers you in Gods presence. It might be Jesus or peace or love or refuge. As you let go of what you are attached to, return to God by saying the word you chose.
—
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Psalm 139:23-24
—