Most days, when I am in prayer or reading / meditating on scripture, I don’t get a lot of fireworks.
The last couple of days have been different. Sparks are flying everywhere, like coming from an Angle Grinder!
God has me in a season of finding contentment, or maybe my lack of contentment is becoming more prevalent.
In Morning Prayer a couple of days ago, I asked God to show me a verse or chapter of scripture that I could hang out in for a while. Psalm 16 quickly came to mind, and I decided to stay in it for this week.
Psalm 16
Preserve me, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in
the land,
they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
Isn’t a circle of Godly confidants, people you know and where you are known, so delightful!
The sorrows of those
who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take on my lips.
As I read this last verse, some questions popped into my mind. Are my sorrows multiplying? What am I running after that is adding to my grief?
An image of Eve grasping for an apple came to mind. As I meditated on this further, I could see myself, with a huge smile and clear excitement, grabbing for an apple, but as I did, I was turning away from God.
I knew right away what the apple represented for me.
I wondered, why are you going after it so hard?
I feel like I need to keep working and pushing and driving to find fulfillment and satisfaction. I have to convince people and sell them and show them that I can bring value.
Then some groan came: It’s all up to me, but I don’t have what it takes.
And that old familiar foe, that says, “He’ll never amount to much.”
Reaching For an Object, and Avoiding a Relationship
It this moment and in the circumstance, I realized that I was doing the same thing that Eve did. I was going for an object of my desire to avoid a relationship.
Grasping
For something I thought I needed
I didn’t realize what I already had.
My sorrows and the lack of contentment I experience comes from wanting something so bad that I feel that I can only be alright if I get it. And when I don’t get it, or things don’t go how I want them to, it is crushing.
The Lord is my chosen
portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I acknowledged to God what I was chasing, and also what I thought it would give me if I had it.
In a halfhearted fashion – I handed the apple back over to God and told him I wanted him to be my primary desire.
Yesterday, I reached out to a close confidant. I told him about what I was facing, told him I needed wisdom, and asked for prayer. He texted me these verses from Psalm 16:
I bless the Lord who
gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
My friend didn’t know I was camping out in Psalm 16 for the past couple of days, but God knew!
It was a word from God that gave me the courage to keep taking the steps I need to take. The Lord will be there to lead me. Whatsmore I can trust my own heart and desires, Jesus is in there after all!
Obviously, I have not always set the Lord before me. But responding in faith and acknowledging that Christ is in me, I cannot be attached too tightly to the outcomes I desire.
No matter how things turn out – I’ll be alright.
If it doesn’t work out as I hoped, it’s okay to be sad and disappointed, bring that disappointment to God. Acknowledge it as a loss. Not discount it or diminish it. Maybe that is why the next a psalm of lament, Psalm 17, follows this one.
And Gods strong right hand of protection is what keeps me steady and on stable ground.
Therefore my heart is
glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me
the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Peter, when he gives his Pentecost sermon quotes these verses (Acts 2:25-28) in terms of Jesus being the Messiah as he was raised from the dead.
Paul, preaching in Antioch (Acts 13:35) about Christ being raised from the dead, quotes “you will not let your holy one see decay” as a fulfillment of this promise.
The psalmist begins Psalm 16 by crying out to God and asking for his safety and preservation. He ends the psalm with confidence that even in death, he will be safe, God will preserve him, and he will be in Gods presence always!
May we all find joy in God’s presence, and not just in his presents.