What Practice Will Aid Your Transformation?

As leaders, we are responsible for making change happen. The first person that needs to change is ourselves, as you can only take someone as far as you have gone yourself.

The best way to embody a change or a new way is to find a practice that will support the change you want to see in yourself. The important thing to remember is that the fruit doesn’t usually come in the practice, which is ok!

Over the last couple of years, a few aspects I have tried to develop are: finding good, creating tension and being comfortable with silence.

I had a lack in these areas, and I wanted to grow. I was no good at it, but I am much better at it now. And it is all because of a simple practice or two, done over time.

Things switched for me when I became a dad. I had a beautiful daughter who meant the world to me, but I couldn’t express it. Coming from a family that was low on affection, it wasn’t modeled to me. I know I needed to grow in this area if I wanted to connect deeply with my kids.

At a sales seminar, I learned what seemed to be a little trick, method or formula to connect relationally with people. It was promoted as a way to endear clients/people to you and earn their trust.

So I tried it. It felt fake. I also found it was easier to practice on people with a little more distance than those close to me.

How to write a meaningful note:

1. Notice an action that someone has taken.
2. Look for a character trait this action demonstrates
3. Replace “I” or “me” with “you.”

These notes can be handwritten, or you can shoot off a short text like the following:

Isabelle,
Last night, you took the time to come to your sister’s open house at school. You were curious and excited about the work she had done and the stories she wrote. You are thoughtful, caring and loving big sister.
I love you,
Dad

Daily Gratitude

In September 2015, I realized I didn’t want to end up someday as a crotchety old man. I had a sense that this world was an amazing place with so many wonderful things to experience. But the way I was living my life, always striving, never satisfied, I was already a crotchety young man

So I brought a journal and with the encouragement of a mentor. Set out to write down three things a day that I am grateful for. As specific as possible. I usually start out thanking God, and then I go from there.

This is from this morning:

1. Just as you provided water in the desert for the Israelites and their cattle, you provide so many things for me. I am 40 years old and not one day have I gone hungry. You provide in abundance, with strong relationships and a job I enjoy. You are living water, the fountain of life.
2. I am thankful that I could talk on the phone last night to mum in the hospital and she is doing better. I am grateful for the people that cared for her when she fell and for the paramedics in the ambulance and the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I am so glad she is safe and doing ok.
3. After the rain the last couple of days, it is nice to see the lawn and the backyard looking so lush and green. I love how the backyard is coming back to life and how the signs of spring bring a sense of life and possibility.

By no means have I figured this out. But I am starting to know what it feels like to have a warm heart. I can’t explain it, but it is much better than a sore neck!

Pain is something I try to avoid. Both physical and emotional.

When you are finding good and acknowledging gratitude, it takes space to bring it about.

You hold space for growth to occur by creating tension and allowing silence. But that is a post for another day.