There is a bloke I’m in community with that gets under my skin. I see him every week, and he feels the need to talk or repeat whatever I say with an Australian accent.
He is a nice enough guy, is influential, and is respected. I let the behavior slide, but it still bothers me.
So I sat down, prayed about the situation, and asked God to help me to see whatever I needed to understand about the repeated interaction. Underneath the surface, there was a feeling of being unwelcome. I feel like I don’t fit in; I’m the odd one out who doesn’t belong.
As I sat with it some more, I noticed that this feeling showed up multiple times throughout my life.
I charted out a timeline on a piece of paper. Old mate faking the accent wasn’t the wound; he was picking the scab of old wounds.
It sucked to look at the timeline where I could see thirteen events that made me feel like I didn’t belong. There was a lot of real pain on this piece of paper.
During this process, suprisingly, other events and people came to mind. These were moments and people who made me feel included. People that were interested in me believed in me, and wanted to help me grow.
I identified sixteen people who had been for me a mentor. What a gift! I thanked God for them.
When I tried to resolve these things like a balance sheet, I wanted to know what the outcome would be. Am I welcome in life or not. Am I excluded or included? Do I belong, or am I an outcast?
Then I realized it didn’t matter. I’ve made it to my 40’s. I’ve had some time in the dump, had some time on the mountain top.
I’ve made it this far, and things have turned out alright. Come what may – might as well accept it and make the most of it!
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The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
Psalm 145:18