Does God use broken people?
Given our flaws, weaknesses and sin patterns can God still further his purpose through us here on earth?
I have wrestled for a long time with these questions. Reflecting on a powerful act of God I witnessed on August 11, 2016, for me they come to a resolution.
I was at Louisiana State Penitentiary, Angola Prison, for the Willow Creek Association Global Leadership Summit. It is a simulcast leadership conference that goes out to thousands of sites. There were 500 inmates in the prison chapel to take part in the seminar.
Security at the prison had a scheduling mix up and called lunch early, so we became unhooked from the rest of the Summit.
Unsure what to do, and all the inmates leaving the chapel, I asked longtime prison chaplain, Chaplain Toney.
He said “well, let’s go to lunch,” in his charming southern drawl.
So I followed him out and asked where are we going?
“Camp J,” he responds, and my heart sank, and my gut clenched tight.
I had heard horror stories about Camp J. It was the out camp that inmates were sent to for disciplinary purposes. Inmates were in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day.
The stories I had heard from inmates that had done time at Camp J were heartbreaking, scary and disgusting. When they described it to me that said if you treat people like animals they are going to act like animals. It was a place designed to ensure if you made it out, you wouldn’t do anything wrong to go back.
A few weeks before my visit, two inmates that had taken their own lives there. To think that they were in a place of so much hopelessness that they would take such drastic action is troubling.
Chaplain Toney had recently been stationed there after he came back from leave. He joked about being sent to do his time at Camp J.
There was going to be a baptism at noon for an inmate who had just accepted Christ. We still had some time, so we sat at a table in the small Camp J chapel and ate our shrimp salads. I scarfed mine down as quickly as possible to try to resolve the uneasy feeling.
Over the years of going to Angola, I had developed a close connection to Chaplain Toney. As we sat and ate, he shared more of his story. His openness and vulnerability in the sincere way he shared his heart were remarkable.
We continued our conversation in his office, and we talked about the hardships he had endured. He was suffering from depression and was still grieving the loss of his father. He told me about the dark places this had brought him to and the wrongful ways he tried to resolve this pain.
As a last resort, he took leave and went to a horse farm where he sought healing. The farm bred, raised and trained horses and mules. A retired Green Berets ran the farm and counseled troubled souls with unconventional methods.
The transformation he experienced was undeniable. I could see it and hear it as my friend talked. He was a new man.
We lost track of time and realized we had missed the baptism that was happening at noon.
“That’s ok,” Chaplain Toney said, “We will just head down the tier and visit with the inmate.”
This proposition pegged my fear again. I was terrified. Going down the tier wasn’t part of the deal. I tried to play it cool, but when we headed down there, and when the bars locked behind me everything inside me was yelling “GET OUT!”
As we were walking in, the inmate minister was walking out with the portable baptistery that they had just drained and broken down.
Once we were in the building, an inmate orderly was mopping the floor around the guard’s station. This inmate was from another camp and has a higher trustee status. He called Chaplain Toney over for a conversation, and I could hear much.
The inmate mopping the floor had seen the baptism and was asking the Chaplain about it. He then told the Chaplain that he wanted to get saved! She the guards, the chaplain and I gathered around him, and we prayed for him to receive Christ. It was a beautiful moment, and the inmate asked if he could be baptized.
They called over to the office to have the inmate ministers bring the baptismal back, and they told the inmate to hang tight.
While they get the baptismal over and set up, we talk to the inmate that was baptized at noon. We were in the tier, and he is in his tiny single man cell with the bars closed. The clothes he was baptized in were hanging to dry, and all he had was a small box of possessions and a few books.
As he talked to us, he was beaming and saying this was the best day of his life!
While we were talking, an inmate in another cell was hooting and hollering to get the Chaplin’s attention. They can’t look down the tier, so he if waving his arms around through the bars. The Chaplin goes down there to talk with him, and I chat with the inmate.
A couple of minutes later the Chaplin starts yelling for me to come down there. Saying “he wants Jesus!” So we chat with him for a bit and pray through some different scriptures, which he repeated back. He confessed his sins and invited Christ into his life. Now we have the third man to baptize!
We walked out of the tier to baptize the Orderly who had been mopping the floor. While the inmate ministers were filling up the pool, we are chatting with the first guard and a few other inmate ministers.
Everyone is so excited, especially the head guard. He can’t believe this is happening on his tier and was excited about the baptisms. The Chaplin starts speaking life into the guard. Saying I can see you are a man of God, God is using your life in a big way; you are a good man. The guard is beaming!
So we baptize the orderly, and by now there is quite a scene brewing outside the tier. Other guards are coming through, and one of them says something like “I’ve never seen anything like this!”
I struck up a conversation with the guard, and he asked me about my Australian accent. This guard had been to Brisbane before, and we chit chat for a bit about Australia. His name is Colin, and I told him that was my grandfather’s name.
I could see some tears forming in his eyes, so I asked him “whats going on?” He starts opening up to me about his wives struggles to get pregnant. He was saying it has been hard, and he thinks something might be wrong with him. I said let’s pray for you right now.
But he had to leave to lock a door, so he was gone.
They bring out the third man to baptize, and he is in handcuffs chained to a belt. He is an older white guy that life hasn’t been easy on him. We get him in the pool, and the inmate minister reads from scripture about what baptism is. They have a chat about what it means and what he is doing, and he is ready.
They put him under and bring him up. Everyone starts singing gospel songs! I didn’t know the words, but the rejoicing was amazing.
They take him back to his cell, and we start draining the pool.
Colin, the guard, comes back to pray. So I prayed for him and his wife. We prayed that God would breathe life into their family and give them a child.
It was like 90 degrees in the summer in Louisiana and full humidity. We were all sweating. This breeze starts blowing through the tunnel we are in, and it cools everything down.
It was like God was blowing through the prison. Resuscitating it and bringing it to life.
As we are draining the baptismal, the main guard whos tier we were on comes over. His name is Dennis. He pulls Chaplin Toney to the side, and they have a chat. I did not hear it, but the guard said to him go back down the tier there might be another man that wants to get saved.
Chaplin asked, “who is the man?”
The Guard responds “if Gods in it, you will find him.”
The guards open the doors, and we head down the tier, this time with the inmate minister, Keith, going cell to cell. Most of the inmates are sitting on the ground to stay cool; it’s sweltering in there. One inmate was standing at the bars and waving his arms around.
The Chaplin knew the man and started talking to him, saying “you’re the man!”
The inmate responded he was ready and asked: “what can I do to be saved?”
We start talking to him about what it means, and this guy is beaming in his eyes and wants to receive Christ. He is only 22 and his in the disciplinary Camp. My heart was breaking for him.
So Chaplin starts praying with him, repeat after me type prayer. I notice this guy in the cell to the left, and he is doing some weird woo-woo stuff with his arms and doing incantations. Keith, the inmate minister, puts his arms up in the air and starts praying “in the name of Jesus got out of here…in Jesus name stop it”. And he stops it! The guy sits down on his bed!
So then we start to leave to fill up the pool again for the fourth man, and the Chaplin goes over to the guy doing the weird stuff. The inmate starts saying how he is religious but Gods not helping him and none of the people will help him.
The Chaplin talks to him saying he will look into the disciplinary action that he has to work through. He is talking through this issue, he got caught with a cell phone, but he hasn’t been violent. Chaplin says he will try to help him.
So we baptize the 4th man who was incredible. This guy is so young, and here he was in chains, but now free in Christ. All the guards and ministers are around cheering. This guy was beaming.
We all encourage him and tell him good job. Chaplin Toney starts balling and talking to him. Saying I remember when we first met. You could be my son. I see so much joy in your eyes. It’s wrong that you are over here. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to get you out of here.
It was so moving.
The guard, Dennis, that told us to go back down the tier, lead him off. They are about 10 feet from me, and I’m watching them head off. The guard tenderly pats him on the back, looks at him and nods at him like “good job kid.”
That image brought me undone. And it still does. Something about the guard whose job is keeping him physically chained but still wants his soul to be set free.
Dennis came back, and we talked to him about how God used him in a big way. He was saying that he is trying but doesn’t go to church much anymore.
We walk out of the Camp, and the Chaplin is on cloud nine. He has been at the prison sixteen years and has never seen anything like this. He is texting all the wardens, and they can’t believe it.
All this happen because of the leader God brought there, Chaplin Toney. He humbled himself and came through a breakdown. On the other side, God is using him because of his brokenness, not in spite of his brokenness.
I’m still blown away how God moved. He powerfully used the guards, and there are four new souls in the kingdom.
Later that night, back at the hotel, I cracked my bible and went to the next Psalm on my reading plan. It was Psalm 61; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. This Psalm is the guiding chapter of the High Ground leadership event that I have been involved in at Angola Prison since 2014. The timing of this confirmed God involvement and led me to recommit myself to him and praise and worship him.
When I got back home, I kept in touch with Chaplain Toney. A couple of weeks later I received this voicemail from him:
I think of that security officer, Colin, often and pray for his family.
I cherish this voicemail and still have it saved on my phone. It is the last I heard of the Chaplain as he passed away two weeks later. I still miss him so much.
When I heard the news of his passing, I was completely heartbroken and in disbelief. I was crying on the floor and didn’t know what to do. I went to my bible and went to the next Psalm on my reading plan. It was Psalm 61. As I prayed this Psalm through tears, God comforted me and reminded me that when I am on the mountain tops or in the valleys, Jesus is still the Rock.
I’ll be seeing you soon Chaplain, now that you are in glory.
Psalm 61
Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!
For you, O God, have heard my vows;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
Prolong the life of the king;
may his years endure to all generations!
May he be enthroned forever before God;
appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him!
So will I ever sing praises to your name,
as I perform my vows day after day.