Reliance is the capacity to endure. When we are in the range of our capabilities, work comes effortlessly. Our engagement is high, and we are doing our best work.
When our tolerance is high, and the challenge is adequate, we are in the state that Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. We have the sense that we are made to do this. Time seems to fade away.
The more resilient, the longer we can be with stress. As we get to the edge of our zone, it taxes us.
A challenge comes along, we take a shot to the bow, and it is a doozy. We start taking on water and kick it into high gear bailing water. We do all that we can to sort through the issue. Before long, we are depleted, and tempers are flaring.
This was me the other day. I was all over the place and getting more and more scattered. Someone gently enquired about what was going on. I was found out. Someone had figured out that I couldn’t figure it out!
A shot of fear went through me. I was immobilized. I knew I couldn’t get this one resolved. I hadn’t done what I needed to do. And now that I was found out, more bad shit was going to happen. But instead of acknowledging it and asking for help, I pointed out the things I had done. So I sheepishly withdrew myself for the situation.
At the end of the day, I felt defeated. You shouldn’t have to feel like you have been ground down to a nub. Shouldn’t have to feel like you don’t measure up. You are getting condemned or critiqued. I shouldn’t have to answer to anyone.
The conviction that everything should go according to my plans brings rigidity. Things can only go as I expect them to. We made all these plans, and now they have been turned upside down. There is so much outside of my control that I feel like I can’t do anything to change. There is nothing I can do. My hands are tied. I don’t have the agency to handle this. It is out of my hands. It is not my responsibility.
Facing adversity is what determines our character. As we struggle and become frustrated, it serves a bigger purpose.
Resistance is Required to Grow Resilience.
The book The Cry of the Soul, by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, talks about how our deepest emotions are there to tell us something. Every emotion is wisdom masked.
According to author Steven Pressfield, The Resistance is whatever keeps us from doing what we need to do. The overwhelm of doing meaningless things is a false sense of security. It keeps us from taking action we fear most but will have the most impact.
When we are tapped out and checked out, disengaged and withdrawn, it keeps us from growth—either on a personal level or for our business. We don’t learn to change, develop to increase our capabilities. And the less we can move the wall that limits us, the more large and immovable the wall becomes.
Working to Serve Others
One of the most excellent sources of meaning is serving others. Someone needs us. Someone needs the work we do. Others depend on us.
We were all made to provide a unique contribution to the world. It is satisfying to get to the end of the day and know that you have accomplished something. Yes, our identity is not in what we do all day long. But it is hard to build a meaningful life without meaningful work.
Our sacrifice is another gift. The work we do benefits others. But who misses out when you don’t do the work?
Hear what Jesus says to a group that is worn out from working to keep moral standards.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
When I read this verse, I wonder if Jesus is out of his mind. What do you mean, a yoke? I don’t want to be tied up to anything. I want to be free!
If I’m honest, sometimes, even coming to Jesus is hard work. Or what about the times I come to God, and it is still not working out. I must be coming to something, I’m bound and attached, and it is exhausting me.
How do I rationalize when my most profound need is not being satisfied? I didn’t do it right. I’ve done something wrong. I don’t have what it takes. Is this why I don’t have what I need in life?
In these moments, all I can do is remember. Remember that God is at work sustaining the world. Any of my efforts pale in comparison to the One who causes flowers to open for the birds to be fed.
There are three things that I pick up on when I look at the metaphor of the yoke:
- Togetherness – we need to know that there are others in this with us. When we are connected to others, and we mutually depend on each other. We can withstand more with a companion who reminds us that we are not in this alone.
- Share The Load – this doesn’t mean we offload, discharge all of our burdens. That is not compassion for collective humanity, even if the release feels good at the moment. We need to stay engaged in our work and willing to assist others with theirs.
- Direction – it is more efficient when someone from a more objective position, helps us get our head out of the weeds and show us where to go. When we are scattered and pulling all over the place, it takes longer to get where we need to be.
The reason that Jesus could say that coming to him was the only way we could find rest is because he has taken care of the two biggest things that are out to get us, sin and death. One the cross, he exclaimed it is finished. That is the only way we can learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
How this impacts our day to day lives is that the thing we practice and do over and over again becomes permanent. The more we check out when things get uncomfortable, the more that limit is encoded. As the ruts become more and more engrained, the harder they are to break out of.
But if we try little by little to keep expanding, the more natural it becomes.
Avoiding Overwhelm
It is trying to take on too much and thinking that it is all up to me that is exhausting.
When things get hard, fear spikes, making you question I’ve done something wrong or it’s close companion, I didn’t do this the right way. For me, it brings up defensiveness and the need to justify or explain my position. This is what defeat feels like.
What if instead, God asks, “What’s wrong?” With tenderness and compassion and love. And we acknowledge the struggle and give him the chance to carry some of the load.
We can invite God into any moment only by letting him know what we are up to and what we are facing. When we allow God into a situation, we are allowing him to bring about a result we couldn’t have done on our own.
Getting A Second Wind
It amazes me how situations can go from frustrating to feeling the thrill of God at work in your life. I call these moments, getting up to mischief with God!
It can be as simple as noticing the tension as it is rising, catching your breath, and relaxing. Notice when your state starts to shift to where you are satisfied. You realize that you have all that you need. It is when you catch a second wind and feel propelled in the direction you want to go.
The tension can be an indicator that you are on the right path. Emotions are just the messenger. Demand your attention. If you don’t give them the attention they deserve, they will only get louder.
You are using them as a guide, mile marker, or a sign to direct your course. Show you where you need to be putting your attention.
Where is my attention going? If it is all over the place, it will lead to more exhaustion. When it is in the right place, we feel energized and propelled and carried along.
Submitting To The Yoke of Heaven
It is exhausting to feel like it is all up to you to make it happen. What if it isn’t? There is so much that is out of our control. How can we turn over all these things to the One who has control of everything?
Seeing the vibrant bright green shoots on the trees in the back yard has been a good reminder that it is not my job to sprout new growth.
It is freeing to lay down all the things that are outside of my control. It frees up the energy to fully take on the responsibilities that I have control over.
We have to realize we are not going to achieve it all at once. But reducing things to the smallest necessary action, it keeps you moving ahead. And once the ball is rolling, you have the momentum to keep it going. It takes energy just to slow it down.
It is satisfying to know that God has accomplished something through you. Submit to the yoke of heaven. No other will give you the feeling of getting up to mischief with God.
Finding space to rest in God is what helps us fully engage. Leaning into the discomfort, as opposed to tapping out, allows us to learn something and get done what didn’t seem possible.
Reflection Question:
Are you weary?
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I have clung to Your precepts.
O Lord, do not shame me.
On the way of Your commands I run,
for You make my heart capacious.
Psalm 119:31-32
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